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The Steamy One Night Affair – Do you or Don’t you?


Tea: Earl Grey with a splash of Milk

Music: Ralph Vaughan Williams: Fantasia on a Theme

Quote: “The fine flower of their intimacy was to her rather like an orchid, a bulb stuck parasitic on her tree of life, and producing, to her eyes, a rather shabby flower. She was aware only of the physical aversion. It rose up in her from her depths: and she realized how it had been eating her life away.” Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence


If the opportunity for the perfect, steamy, one-time affair came along, and you knew your partner wouldn’t find out, should you (1) take it because life is too short, OR (2) pass?


Torn in Temecula

My Response:

Dear Torn in Temecula,

As a hypothetical question, it is tricky because you are assuming the impossible, the perfect, steamy, one-time affair. If you are writing to me with this question, it shows that you are not the type to enter into a steamy, one-time affair lightly. Even if your partner won’t find out, you will most likely be overwhelmed with guilt, or develop impractical feelings for this new lover. Your perfect affair will seem not so perfect pretty quickly.

In romance, the imagined is often much better than the realized. Whatever you imagine this steamy, one-time affair to be, it is doubtful that it will be as good in reality as you think. I would only recommend an affair if your marriage or relationship is so unbearable that you are willing to risk losing it. Lady Chatterley’s affair with her gamekeeper would not have occurred if her husband wasn’t such a weak, selfish, and impotent snob. Their marriage was nothing more than “a shabby flower” and she felt nothing but “aversion” for him. In this case, one can understand what would drive her to embark on an affair. Especially when you have the virile and earthy Oliver Mellors residing in the nearby woods! Who can resist a “reckless devil”?

Affairs should always be the last resort. Even if you manage to turn your one time-affair into a stable relationship with your new lover, the guilt and baggage that comes with the affair is likely to haunt you -remember Anna Karenina? My advice is that unless you want your marriage or relationship to end, you should devote your energies to reminding yourself why you fell in love with your husband or lover to begin with. Unless your husband or lover is a weak, selfish, impotent snob. And then maybe you are better off with your steamy, one-time affair!

Good luck with your Decision!




1 Anna { 03.11.09 at 10:22 pm }

I feel for the person in Temecula. My husband has been travelling constantly and I would be lying if I didn’t ocassionally ask myself the same.

2 Evan { 03.29.09 at 3:24 pm }

I disagree. The occasional one night frollick would keep things fresh and passionate with your current partner. It would be a shame for a relationship to end because it lost it’s spark, something that happens too often. Keep it alive, Ms. Torn, and go frollick away!

3 SUMMER LOVING { 04.20.09 at 6:54 pm }

If youreally love him you won’t do it. How would you feel if he did it to you? Would it be ok for him to “frollick” to keep things fresh? The guilt will get the better of you, unless you really don’t give a damn. Temptation mmmmmm?????/ Good Luck

4 Earthwind { 08.16.11 at 8:18 am }

Great hammer of Thor, that is poweruflly helpful!

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