Category — Music
Tea: Earl Grey
Music: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper
I am planning my best-friends Bachlorette party, and I’m getting more and more annoyed with one of the other bridesmaids. I’m the Maid of Honor, and I was the one who came up with the idea of doing the Bachlorette party in New Orleans, but now she has gotten involved, and is taking over everything. She has organized the restaurant for our big night out, decided what clubs we MUST go to, booked the hotel, without even asking for any advice from me(the bride’s best friend!). Now, honestly, she has made good choices, but I hate that she has taken it out of my hands. Am I being petty? How do I handle it?
Bridesmaid in Boston
Dear Bridesmaid in Boston,
It is totally natural that this other girl’s behavior would annoy you, but the only advice I can give you would be to repeat Lotty Wilkins’ words to Rose Arbuthnot in Enchanted April by Elizabeth von Arnim. When the elderly and extremely opinionated Mrs. Fisher took over the housekeeping of their rented villa in Italy(a villa that Lotty and Rose had found!), Rose’s initial reaction was resentment and frustration.
“But we found San Salvatore,” said Mrs. Arbuthnot, “and it is rather silly that Mrs. Fisher should behave as if it belonged only to her.”
But her friend, Lotty Wilkins, soon puts things in perspective.
“What is rather silly,” said Mrs. Wilkins with much serenity, “is to mind. I can’t see the least point in being in authority at the price of one’s liberty.”
Rather than feel petty resentments at Mrs. Fisher for taking over the houskeeping of their Italian holiday villa, Rose realizes that her friend Lotty is right. Free of the burdens of day-to-day housekeeping, she can better enjoy her holiday, and I suggest you do the same. Enjoy the Bachlorette party, and don’t get lost in the little nitty gritty details of the planning. If you think this other bridesmaid is making a bad decision and the bride will have a terrible time, speak out. And speak out loudly. Otherwise, allow this other girl to commandeer the planning of the trip, and use the free time you will have to create something special for your friend. A scavenger hunt, a scrap book with pictures and mementos. Focus your energy elsewhere, and try for a zen-like attitude, a la Enchanted April. I know its probably easier to let things go when you are staying at a gorgeous Italian villa on the coast, but I have a feeling the Big Easy will wield its own sort of magic. Just remember, if you have a wonderful time, you will help ensure that the bride also has a wonderful time!
March 9, 2012 No Comments
Tea: Twining’s Earl Grey
Music: Vivaldi: Concerto in D for Lute & Strings, RV 93 – 3. Allegro
I just found out that my mother was in love with another man before she married my father. She has been getting on in years and let slip that her college boyfriend died at Vietnam, and she married my father almost immediately in a knee-jerk reaction. When she saw my shocked face, she quickly covered and said she of course loved my father, but I can’t get the story of her young lover dying in Vietnam out of my head. I just feel like deep down she must have been miserable all her life. Any words of advice?
Traumatized in Tennessee
Dear Traumatized in Tennessee,
I can understand that you are shocked and upset. Your mother’s loss was tragic. But, I don’t believe she was miserable all her life. I am reminded of some wise words, uttered by a character in Anne of Avonlea. Miss Lavendar, an older friend of Anne Shirley, explains that a broken heart is not as dreadful as one imagines.
“I’m really a very happy, contented little person in spite of my broken heart. A broken heart in real life isn’t half as dreadful as it is in the books. It’s a good deal like a bad tooth…though you won’t think that a very romantic simile. It takes spells of aching and gives you a sleepless night now and then, but between times it lets you enjoy life and dreams and echoes and peanut candy as if there were nothing the matter with it….That’s the worst…or the best…of real life, Anne. It won’t let you be miserable. It keeps on trying to make you comfortable… and succeeding…even when you’re determined to be unhappy and romantic.” Anne of Avonlea by L.M. Montgomery
I wouldn’t worry that your mother was lying to you when she told you she was happy with your father. She clearly realized, like Miss Lavendar, that life will not let you be miserable. Despite the pain she felt at her young love’s death, I am sure she felt great joy in the family she created with your father. As we get older, it is only natural that we are haunted by pain and loss in life. But, life is how we treat the ups and downs, how we fight them. Your mother may have had the occasional bout of nostalgia for her young lover, but like a bad tooth, a broken heart must eventually mend, even if it is never exactly the same. And as unpleasant as a visit to the dentist is, once the novocaine has worn off, we can always enjoy a nice cup of tea and a cream puff. Those little pleasures in life never disappear.
February 13, 2012 No Comments
Tea: Mint Medley
Music: Pachelbel-Leppard: Canon
You may not find Lucy Maud Montgomery’s Anne of Green Gables series next to Jane Eyre at the bookstore. In fact, it would most likely be relegated to the teen literature department. But, Anne’s prickly relationship with Gilbert has to be considered one of the best literary love stories, and provides a number of lessons for us modern day women. What true romantic was not intrigued by Anne’s feisty rivalry with Avonlea heartthrob Gilbert Blythe? Their initial bickering evolved into a warm and affectionate friendship that had you rooting for them from the the first time he called her “Carrots”. However, when he professed his love for her, she turned him away because he did not fit her romantic ideal. Dreaming of drama and adventure, she left home to find a romantic hero, only to find everything she wanted could be found in her small hometown and in the friend she had foolishly brushed aside.
As we look for love in the twenty first century, we should do our best to avoid looking for an unrealistic romantic hero outside of our everyday world (a prince on a white horse). Those princes do exist, but are few and far between. If you are not careful, you may miss out on the real love of your life because you are too busy chasing an illusion. Don’t overlook that childhood friend, that roommate, that colleague or old boyfriend who doesn’t fit into the romantic ideal you have foolishly created for yourself.
January 13, 2011 2 Comments